Toys Tinctures and Tea

It has been a very interesting journey building the platform of Toys, Tinctures and Tea…It started with of course my own never ending healing journey when I listened to a dream I had which told me to move back home to WI. I thought, really? I was pursuing a career as an Actress in LA and my rent was only $400 in the Hollywood Hills. I just finally had started to nail auditions after 8 years of working as a bartender in many random places….One night, I had a terrifying dream in which I got to meet myself as a baby. The baby was not happy with a lot of the decisions I was making and looked at me like I was an idiot. Like it knew everything I had ever done and everything I would do. As a little girl I had had many lonely, scary dreams about being found by giants and monsters, but nothing was worse than the disappointed eyes and wry smile of my 8 month old self. When I woke up I promised myself I would start listening to the only one who truly knows me. The only one who will stick by me through thick and thin, the only one coming with me. She said go home. Terrified that if I didn’t submit I would be terrorized again, I packed my little car and pitbull Olive up and drove across the country to the woods. I learned that my Momma’s cancer was back….That my Grandmother’s body was giving out….I learned what I knew all along that these Women were my lifelines…That I needed to spend every last minute I had with them honoring, serving, (sometimes fighting), laughing and learning with and from them while I still had them there physically. Now though I didn’t have access to all the characters, art and progress of L.A., the amazing food, culture or fun places to go. I had the oaks, the conifers, the birch, the dirt, the worms, the bees, the flowers, the ferns, the rocks, the mushrooms, the rivers and lakes, the sun, moon and stars. A whole world that I hadn’t paid attention to since I used to pack my lunch and run away to the woods when I was little. I remember my first couple of mornings with my coffee…Ollie and I headed out cup in hand to greet our new friends. I thought it would be a quiet place to write scripts, paint and learn music, but no! A whole symphony filled my ears!!!! Plants, animals, bugs, the stars, the clouds, the rain…..It all started begging me to be friends. All other human voices were replaced by sweet, funny, nice frequencies that didn’t grind on my nerves or fill me with anxiety. They also weren’t disappointed in me! Quickly, my own voice became very clear and gave me directions all day and night. There was plant medicine to learn about and be made, mushrooms to learn about, plant, forage and eat. Water to be swam in, painting ideas, script ideas, rocks to hold and my inner child to raise. Sometimes I would sit and stare at the wall, hold my knees and rock on the floor or cry in the fetal position until I could sleep. Break opens are painful, but the woods replenished me and took it all away. Many things happened, deaths, accidents, creations….And I was told by the inner self to start this platform. So, we’ll see where it leads us! Can’t be worse than some of the other things! 🙂